The Kids’ Corner article on safety has brought to my mind something that I think is crucial to a parent-child relationship and that is the existence of good communciation. To me this means an ongoing dialogue of life issues, an open door policy for whenever questions arise and creating an atmosphere of trust and security that whatever is discussed won’t be shared or ridiculed.

The topic of children and safety is a passion of mine and the kids’ article has stirred in me several strong memories and I ask for your patience as I try to make a point by sharing them.

In smaller cities like the one I grew up in years ago personal safety wasn’t really a big concern. I remember heading out on my bike in the morning and telling mom I’d see her later for dinner. I gave a general description of what I had planned for the day, but not always and it usually changed depending on which friend was home and available. There were plenty of times that no one even knew where I was because I was at my “secret” place. I often went there when I was bothered by something and needed time to think or I was mad and needed to vent. No one would have known where I was had anything happened to me. Another time when I was a teenager I was walking downtown alone when I thought I was going to be asked directions by someone in a car, but got exposed to indecency instead. I was very frighted so I returned to the store I just came out of to call home. No one answered so I walked home after checking to be sure that the individual was gone. Thank God I made it home okay. But what was I thinking walking home alone after that? I don’t even remember telling my parents about it. It’s not like they were mean or uncaring and I don‘t have any bad feelings about it (except the actual incident), we just didn’t talk about stuff much. To be sure we lived in another time where the need wasn’t as great and it was a much smaller and safer community than where my family is today. However, had there been a line of communication already established and practiced I imagine it would have helped me to discuss the incident as well as give me courage and help to report it to the police, which I don‘t remember doing. As I think of it, I usually just figured things out on my own or asked my friends. I guess it goes along with my independent nature, but I’m not sure why I didn’t go to my parents concerning this incident. As someone suggested to me, my brain had never dealt with this type of event before so I had no plan on how to deal with it.

But speaking as a parent now there’s nothing more I want than for my children to come to me if they have a question, a problem or want to discuss something. Heaven forbid anything like my incident should happen to them, but I want them to know that they can come to me for anything.

After writing the Kids’ Corner article and reliving these memories I just wanted to make a special plea to all parents, guardians, teachers or anyone in charge of children to ask questions and foster a relationship where they can come to you for whatever reason. If they don’t share very willingly you have to be the one to initiate the dialogue. They may not always like being “quizzed” but it may start some important discussions and they will remember you caring enough to ask. Listen to what they have to say and be attentive to what they need. The older they get the more they need to know you are available.

Teresa Mastison Sensei